Reaching . . . Extending . . . Chasing. . . What? :: Essays Papers

Reaching . . . Extending . . . Chasing. . . What? This mantra plays through my head and my body like children on a jungle gym, swinging from youthful legs and arms, tearing new clothes, taunting, laughing, bouncing, running, ducking just out of my reach. I am conscious of some message they have to give me, but not yet bowed enough to hear the whispers of meaning between the shouts of proclamation. REACH! I feel like I've been reaching for something for a long time, maybe my entire life. The reach I learned as a baby has certainly kept me exploring new worlds. I consumed books as a child, never satisfied until I found one more tidbit of information on the aardvark or Algeria or Aunt Sue's garden. I did not care what it was, I wanted to know it. But is that IT? Is knowledge of the world what I'm after? I did book reports during the summer because I thought if I could just show the teacher that I was a hard worker, I could hold onto . . . I don’t know. The favored spot in the class? The other students’ approval? My own sense of self-worth? The little girl got to college and couldn't sustain it anymore. No one cared, because everyone else was reaching for IT, too. So, she had to switch races. Reaching for bodily strength was a lot more productive, the fruits (no matter if they were bitter) were screamingly visible. No hiding the results of this race---success! With every step I ran or weight I lifted, my body grew more rigid with tension. I was ready to find IT, and I felt IT within my reach. Thankfully, I did not cross the finish line of this one, for I fear now what I would have found on the other side. Certainly not IT. Three years of my life spent reaching for something that only led to non-life: loss of relationships, loss of health, loss of desire. The only thing I had was schoolwork. I must make up for lost time. So I began to reach for relationships; not just the occasional nice conversation, but absolute emersion in any opportunity to connect with anyone. Seek them out, Heather. Get to know all those people you missed. There's something there worth reaching for, and you’re pretty far behind the others.